After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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