haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We don't watch enough power rangers
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
