someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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