She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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