i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
