what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
