i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
