You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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