I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize