What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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