thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
