So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
