Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
