I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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