He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
