the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
