Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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