we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
