A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
