Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
