would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
