Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
