i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
