decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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