it was like eating out sand paper
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
