Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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