I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
