well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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