I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
