He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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