both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
