my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
