is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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