New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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