Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
