TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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