so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize