you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
