you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
