JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
