What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
