remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
