my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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