I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
