i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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