I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
