you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
