I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
