also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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