In the future we'll all be gay
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
