thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
