There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
