I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
