All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She said her name was "party"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
