i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
