I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
