lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
