Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you never un-have a 4some
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
