please come you make the beer taste better
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
