Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
