He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize