so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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