I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
