Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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