I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
