Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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