I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
