She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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